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technicolourdifficulties[In the wake of the trial, it takes RGB some time to gather himself together again. He'd fallen apart back there, and in front of all of those people at that. And for what?
"You mustn't get attached"...
Well, he'd certainly buggered that one up again, hadn't he? Madras had certainly called that one. But then, it's not surprising. He never could stop himself from caring no matter how hard he tried, and she knew that.
Three weeks. Four deaths. All of them horrific in their own ways, each leaving more damage in its wake than the last.
For this reason, once RGB thinks himself in fit shape to appear in front of others again (and give Ris enough time to presumably take care of her business), he accosts Minato the moment he can locate the fool.]
...I need to speak with you. Alone.
[This is about all the warning that the blue-haired boy gets before he is hooked by RGB's cane and not entirely delicately dragged back to the telly-headed monster's assigned room. As soon as the door is shut behind them, RGB rounds on Minato, audibly bringing his heels together and crossing his arms.]
Just what the hell was going through your head back there?
"You mustn't get attached"...
Well, he'd certainly buggered that one up again, hadn't he? Madras had certainly called that one. But then, it's not surprising. He never could stop himself from caring no matter how hard he tried, and she knew that.
Three weeks. Four deaths. All of them horrific in their own ways, each leaving more damage in its wake than the last.
For this reason, once RGB thinks himself in fit shape to appear in front of others again (and give Ris enough time to presumably take care of her business), he accosts Minato the moment he can locate the fool.]
...I need to speak with you. Alone.
[This is about all the warning that the blue-haired boy gets before he is hooked by RGB's cane and not entirely delicately dragged back to the telly-headed monster's assigned room. As soon as the door is shut behind them, RGB rounds on Minato, audibly bringing his heels together and crossing his arms.]
Just what the hell was going through your head back there?
no subject
Date: 2019-08-04 10:04 pm (UTC)[Ris did fix his hand, and he'd gone back to aimlessly wandering after....but now there's RGB. Dragging him quite forcefully.
Ah. He should've known. Ris had asked, too...]
...Not....really sure. Punishment, probably.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-04 11:27 pm (UTC)[He'd thought as much, but... it's still not something that he likes to hear.
His tone is a bit clipped, though he tries to keep any edge of anger out of it. The point here is to understand, not to hurt.
It doesn't stop his antennae from flicking back not unlike an agitated cat, nor the colour bleed from including a bit of red amongst the others.]
And I suppose that if you think that's the punishment you deserve for failing to prevent this tragedy, you believe the rest of us who pressed the button deserve the same?
no subject
Date: 2019-08-05 12:58 am (UTC)[It's sharp, his voice raw and desperate, cracking with more emotion than he's let out this entire time. Because he's cracking, breaking in more places than his left hand, and it's wrong, it's so selfish of him, but he can't...
None of the others deserve this. Absolutely not.
But after that outburst, Minato isn't...sure what to say next. Was that- too much? Did he overstep?]
no subject
Date: 2019-08-05 02:06 am (UTC)Then why do you think that you do?
no subject
Date: 2019-08-05 04:43 pm (UTC)Right, he...he still has to answer. Minato's eyes find the floor.]
I-- ......failed.
1/2
Date: 2019-08-06 03:44 am (UTC)...This again. You forgive everyone else for their failures, yet you hold yourself to impossible standards.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-06 04:21 am (UTC)...You must understand, I'm not saying that acknowledging your failures is a bad thing- Goodness knows a lot of classical heroes didn't and it lead to their downfalls. It's just... You need to be realistic about your expectations for yourself. Breaking yourself apart like that- It's not healthy, physically or emotionally.
I might be able to get away with it to some degree, but you and the others can't exactly rip off a hand and replace it like nothing ever happened.
And I do understand how difficult it is to continuously survive when those you think surely deserved it more did not, but you can't very well continue on like this. You have friends here, and it hurts us- them to see you keep doing this to yourself.
[He's going to wear a hole in the carpet if he keeps up the pacing.]
no subject
Date: 2019-08-06 02:44 pm (UTC)He signed a contract. He's responsible, so he has no right to complain. And one thing in particular, from what the television says, stands out.]
Not a hero, RGB-san. Not even close.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-07 09:24 am (UTC)You're a bleeding heart who takes every death as a personal failing and seems to insist on helping to the point that you make yourself sick. Trust me, after guiding nine of them, I should think I know bloody well what a hero looks like.
However, you miss the point. The point is that both physically and mentally, you are breaking. Whatever your past failings are, you can't make up for them if your body fails you.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-07 02:43 pm (UTC)[Not the point, apparently. Just as well.] ...Will be fine. Don't exactly get to stop moving.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-08 08:14 am (UTC)[He does stop the nervous pacing, though he fidgets through a pause as he works out what he's trying to get at.]
...You said that you only had a short time left, back on the Vespertine. If we truly are irrevocably changed as the Conductor said, then perhaps that can be changed as well. We can still try to fix whatever it is that would cause you to die.
[...Oh. He may have accidentally volunteered himself to help. That was not intended, not with the mess he's going to have to try to deal with if they can get back to their own worlds.
...Well, hopefully Minato either won't notice or won't comment on it.]
no subject
Date: 2019-08-08 02:42 pm (UTC)That's--... The coming end can no longer be stopped. Not about just me, RGB-san. Don't care if I die. Whole world will... Might've even happened without me. But you'll die too if you're there when it does...
no subject
Date: 2019-08-10 08:29 am (UTC)If it really is that hopeless, then you shouldn't be there either! I'm sure your friends currently in the clutches of the Empress would agree with me on that point.
[His hands fall to his sides, balling into fists.]
I am not a hero who can back lost causes. I'm a monster too cowardly to back any cause that I don't believe has a reasonable chance of success. I'm not about to sacrifice myself for the sake of a world that couldn't care less about me.
[He can't deny that he might (would, whispers the memory that had returned to him after the last trial) for a single, important person if it came down to only one of them surviving, but a whole world? He doesn't know absolutely everyone. He can't care about everyone, even had he been inclined to try.]
no subject
Date: 2019-08-10 02:25 pm (UTC)[He shrinks a little - angry at him again. He messed up again. But his voice is firm, because there are truths he cannot ignore.]
....my fault this is happening, so... If she has my f- ....my teammates, wouldn't be surprised if they hate me, after everything....
no subject
Date: 2019-08-11 08:34 am (UTC)He visibly deflates.]
...You truly are a hero then. When you agree to something like that, you cannot-
[He composes himself.]
Does your contract specify that you must die to fulfill your role? I cannot speak to how your friends feel about you after all they have faced at the Empress's hands, but I do know agreements like this.
So you must tell me: Does your contract specify that you must die?
no subject
Date: 2019-08-11 02:15 pm (UTC)Don't get to run away. Don't get to complain. Don't get to pretend what's happening isn't my fault.
1/2
Date: 2019-08-12 06:25 pm (UTC)With something so vague, it sounds to me like they had you sign so that you would assume the results of their actions are from your own, and accept culpability for both. 'Fault' and 'responsibility', while often used interchangeably, are not inexorably linked. A madman is at fault for his actions, but he is not responsible for them due to the state of his mind. I am not at fault for the impending end of my world, yet it fell to me to try to save it because no-one else would pick up that responsibility. And with how dedicated you seem to be to the well-being of others? They clearly took advantage of the fact that you would assume fault.
I was wrong, 2/3
Date: 2019-08-12 06:47 pm (UTC)It's not- Being selfish at times in not an inherently bad thing. It's necessary to survival, no matter who or what you are. Anyone who tells you otherwise is almost certainly someone who will take advantage of others fear of being seen as such.
3/3
Date: 2019-08-12 07:00 pm (UTC)...I suppose the point that I have been attempting to make is that your tendency to try to be entirely unselfish may not be causing physical harm to anyone but yourself, but the fact that it is causing you harm, physically and mentally, is causing a good deal of harm to those who care about you.
I may be the wrong monster to say this, but... If you cannot think about yourself for your own sake, then at least try to do a better job of looking after yourself for the sake of those you care about.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-12 09:02 pm (UTC)"Time never waits. It delivers all equally to the same end. You, who wish to safeguard the future, however limited it may be... You will be given one year; go forth without falter, with your heart as your guide... I chooseth this fate of mine own free will."
...Signed it back in....early April? Was December 31st, last I was in my world.
[Hope has been hard to come by, with the various literal deadlines hanging over him.]
1/3
Date: 2019-08-15 06:54 am (UTC)2/3
Date: 2019-08-15 06:55 am (UTC)3/3
Date: 2019-08-15 06:59 am (UTC)[Because really, this is no time to put this politely.]
They really left you to try and blunder through the whole thing without so much as an actual guide to help you along the way?
no subject
Date: 2019-08-15 07:08 am (UTC)Whole situation really is because of me, though....should've died a long time ago.
cw: issues with guilt
Date: 2019-08-23 09:19 am (UTC)...Especially yourself.
[He's a hypocrite, telling the boy this. But... it's different, isn't it? He's the very worst monster, after all; those he's stolen the stories of deserve their vengeance, even if he cannot allow that until... Well, that's not important now.]
Do not let yourself believe that you did not deserve a guide either. If they had truly cared to see you succeed, they would have sent someone to be at your side and warn you of any missteps you might make. In neglecting that much while putting such a burden on your shoulders, they have failed you.
[He has failed so many as a guide already, but at least he was with them all as long as he possibly could. Minato is not one of his heroes, but... Well, perhaps he is as daft as everyone privately thinks him to be, but he can't stand to see another hero be destroyed by their circumstances.]
cw: persona 3
Date: 2019-08-23 05:23 pm (UTC)[He'd have taken Death with him, right? And Nyx wouldn't be able to find Earth. And the Dark Hour would disappear, and everyone could live in peace. Shinjiro, Ken, Junpei, Aigis, they'd all still be alive...]
Was warned. Just couldn't figure it out. Messed up, and people died.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-26 09:00 am (UTC)For all that he hadn't raised a hand to any of them, RGB holds no illusions that there's anyone to blame for the deaths of the previous heroes he'd chosen but himself.
...He can't face Minato anymore. He spins on his heel, stepping away a few paces, hands behind his back as if in thought, though it is in fact to prevent their shaking.]
Do I care if I survive this? Bury the dead where they’re found
In a veil of great disguises; how do I live with your ghost?
[It's perhaps odd to sing a part of a song in the middle of a conversation, but... He holds his back straight, trying to maintain the illusion of calm even as his antennae lie nearly flat against his headboard.]
...Did that about sum up your feelings on the matter?
no subject
Date: 2019-08-26 03:29 pm (UTC)[Music has always been his refuge. There's a lot of feelings better described by rhythm and tone than words alone. And "do I care if I survive this?" just hits near dead-center.]
...Yeah, kind of.
cw: self-harm adjacent thoughts
Date: 2019-08-27 09:18 am (UTC)[He can't keep keep the soul-deep exhaustion from bleeding into his voice.
'Should I tear my eyes out now, before I see too much?'
He understands.
'Should I tear my heart out now?'
He understands all too well. It's too late for both of them; they have both been far too damaged for the answer to the lyrics to be 'yes', and not just because RGB physically possess neither organ.]
...I do not wish to add your story to those that I keep.